Heart of Dorkness

Terror Twenty-Three - Road

Road! I call out.

Felix and I stumble across the grassy expanse just outside of the forest, and towards the edge of the road. Theres a small ditch there, but its barely an inconvenience to jump over it, and Felix is lightand happyenough that she hops over in a single bound.

This is good, right? Felix asks.

Its great, I say. And it is. The road means we have a direction. Itll be basically impossible to get lost now. As long as we head westward, we should stumble into the capital eventually. Also, I like being able to walk on solid ground. No roots, no bushes, nothing to trip on, and clear sight for a long way in at least two directions--which is better than the no directions in the woods.

Felix smiles and points down the road. That way?

Yup, I say. Thats west.

I never get lost in Santafaria, but I think I might get lost out here.

No landmarks? I ask.

Landmarks?

I walk next to Felix, keeping pace. A landmark is a large thing thats easy to see and that can help guide you.

Oh. Do landmarks count if theyre noises? she asks.

I... have no idea. I guess so. As long as it helps you figure out where youre going. I tug my cloak off, then fold it over an arm. Its nice out, warm. Monsterra is a hot place. Or at least this part of it, around the Kingdom of Heroe. Moms place to the north of here is actually warmer, despite being further away from the equator.

I dont know enough about geography to know if thats normal or not.

Im happy youre here, I tell Felix. She tilts her head to the side, an obvious question. It makes it less lonely. If you werent here, it would just be me and some monster pals, but theyre not too talkative, not unless theyre in their upper levels.

Youre welcome, Miss Valeria, Felix says.

Just Valeria, I told you... Miss Felix.

Felix laughs. I dont think I can look like a Miss.

Looking like a Miss isnt important. Its the attitude. Mom gave me a few lessons about it; she thinks that its very important, and I trust her when she says that.

The attitude?

I nod. Yup. A good-enough actor could walk into a town naked and have people snapping to attention. Im pretty sure Mom has convinced people not to mess with her just by walking into a room the right way. She keeps telling me that being an evil person is easy, but being a good villain requires a lot of hard work.

You want to be a villain?

Well, yeah, my Moms the big bad of this world. Do you know how many books have her as the bad guy? Well, I guess you dont. But yeah, no one likes Mom, even though shes really cool and awesome. So I dont really have much of a choice. Im going to be the best bad guy ever, for Mom.

Felix is quiet for a while as we walk on. Im starting to worry that maybe I said something wrong. I was a little enthusiastic about the whole villainy thing, but its basically true. I look like a monster, and unless I want to hide for the rest of my life, I dont have much of a choice.

Not that I mind. Sure, I think--and Mom agrees--that my natural way of acting leans more towards helping people. But that doesnt mean that I can be a good Dark Princess of Evil if I dont put in the work!

If you become a villain, can I be one of your thugs?

A thug? I ask.

Yeah, like Fancy has.

I scoff. Felix, Fancy isnt a villain, hes like... some profiteering guy. Hes barely a footnote. No, no, Mom and Iwell, mostly Momare capital V Villains. Villains dont have thugs, they have minions.

Whats the difference?

I hum in thought for a moment. Mostly its in level, I think. Thugs are pretty common, and theyre not that impressive. Goons and minions are a lot rarer and stronger.

Oh, Felix says. If I get a class like that, maybe Ill take it.

I nod. You might get some looks for having two classes.

But if I act like I deserve them, it wont be a problem, right? Felix asks with a grin.

I laugh. I guess not. Two classes isnt so uncommon. Most people with an important job will get one, and I think most full-citizens can get a second class. Its really hard for a woman to become a citizen though.

Maybe Felix can pass for a boy later? Or a noblewoman with a bit of make-up and a nice dress.

Well figure something out, I say. Especially if you come home with me.

Home, you mean where the Dark Goddess lives? Felix looks apprehensive, and I can totally understand her. Id be nervous about meeting a friends Mom too, especially if she was the best mom ever.

My Moms ni--

Felix raises a hand before me, then turns her head around to look behind us. Her steady walk slows down a bunch. Theres something coming, she says.

I listen, but I cant hear anything in the distance. Still, Im not going to just stand around out in the open while trouble comes running. Lets get off the road, I say.

Felix nods, then gives me her hand so I can help guide her off the road and over the ditch on the other side. The boundary space between the road and the woods isnt too thick here, so we dont have far to go before were half-hidden by a few trees.

I pull on my cloak, just in case. If there are humans coming, it would be best that they dont see us.

The problem is, I cant see anything coming, and the road is clear for a long way.

Are you sure? I ask Felix.

The girl nods. I can still hear it. I think its a cart?

A cart means people. It might also mean slow people. We have some time, then, I say. I find a fallen tree that can serve as a bench, then fetch one of my little friends from my clothes. They dont like it when Im moving around too much, but theyre usually pretty good about complaining. Im going to need a minute or two. I want to do something.

Sure, Felix says as she sits next to me.

I send one little friend up into the air on a mission to find something. Meanwhile, I grab another, a small beetle friend that isnt always useful in a fight, but he has great wings and a good head on his... well, he doesnt have shoulders, exoskeletons being what they are.

I whisper a message to my little friend, just something to relay to Mom. Im okay, though my adventure is more complicated than Id expected it to be. I tell her that I could probably use a tiny bit more help, but that Ill be fine. I spent a lot of my gold, but I still have a little. Oh, and she doesnt need to worry! Ill get her books back, and make sure to find out as much as I can about the people who burned her temple down!

My little friend returns, and he brings a strange new friend with him. A moody-looking raven monster, the sort that will caw at people from outside a city wall until they go mad. Hello, I say. Its a pleasure to meet you.

Caw, the monster replies.

Indeed. I need a small favour. I have this friend here. I show the raven-monster my little beetle monster. And he needs to be brought to Momthat is, the Goddess of Darkness.

The raven monster eyes me critically. Caw.

I know, it is pretty far. And I dont really have anything to give you.

He looks at my shirt, with all of its shiny embroidery. Caw.

No, not even a shiny. I do need my remaining gold, and Im not about to go around shirtless! But Im positive Mom will be very pleased with the brave bird that flew so far to deliver such an important message. Shes sure to reward you. You can even tell her that I told you as much.

I rub at the monsters head for good measure.

It looks to Felix. Caw.

No, you cant have a snack for the flight. Here, open your beak.

I slip the beetle in, the entire thing too big to be swallowed by accident. Chaahw, the raven monster says past a full beak.

Yup, I reply. Now go, fast! Its important that you deliver this as quickly as your wings can take you.

The monster bows its head, then takes off in a flutter of pitch-black wings.

Now we just need to see about the oncoming company.

***