I’m Really a Superstar

On this day.

In the morning.

In a prison.

Zhang Ye stretched after waking up in bed. He had no events, and no one to entertain, so he could sleep until he woke up naturally every day. After getting up, he paced around the cell with his hands behind his back, occasionally practicing his horse stance and martial arts, occasionally singing a few verses of “Tears Behind Prison Bars.” He had gotten used to the life in here.

“When can I return home again?

“When can I return home again?

“All of these shackles that locked me up.

“Dear friend, won’t you listen to me sing—”

He heard the thuds of approaching footfalls.

The young prison guard walked up to the door and said with a smile, “Teacher Zhang, you’re singing again?”

“Yeah,” Zhang Ye said, “I’m exercising my vocal cords. Can’t forget the basics, y’know.”

The young prison guard said in admiration, “You’re such a professional. Oh yes, please get ready. You have visitors coming.”

Zhang Ye snorted. “Why are they here again?”

The young prison guard said, “It’s not your parents. This visit was arranged through the prison administration. I think it’s some people from the top, but I’m not too sure of the details.”

Zhang Ye rolled his eyes. “People from the top? Then I won’t see them.”

The young prison guard said, “It might be a leader.”

“Whatever!” Zhang Ye waved it off. “Reject the visitation request.”

The young prison guard didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Th-Then let me go and ask if that’s possible.”

He left.

Soon after, the prison warden came over personally.

The warden was a fat man. “Teacher Zhang, the visitors are waiting.”

Zhang Ye waved his hands. “I’m not going.”

The warden said in a speechless manner. “They’re people from the Chinese Academy of Sciences.”

Zhang Ye smacked his lips and said, “Old Qian, I will definitely go and see them if it’s my family. But I’m not gonna meet anyone else. I couldn’t care less if they’re from the Chinese Academy of Sciences or wherever. If anyone just comes in here and asks to see me, does that mean I have to go obediently? Anyone who comes, I have to go? Then how will this bro have any face left?”

The warden was amused. “So that’s the reason?”

Zhang Ye said, “Of course. Although I don’t have much of a status anymore, I must still have a style of my own.”

The warden said, “They really have something urgent to see you about. The head of the prison administration gave me a call last night and got me to arrange a meeting for them with you. They had made an appointment to see you urgently, but how could I come looking for you in the middle of the night? Surely I couldn’t come and wake you up for that, right? That wouldn’t be very nice.”

Zhang Ye finally relented. “Well, alright, I’ll give you face this time, Old Qian.”

Ten minutes later.

In the visitation room, Zhang Ye met with the visitors.

There were two people, a man and a woman. The man looked to be in his 60s and was wearing a pair of reading glasses, while the woman looked to be in her 40s and was neither pretty nor ugly. The moment Zhang Ye entered the room, the woman noticed and gave him a smile. Then she nudged the old man next to her and told him that Zhang Ye had arrived.

The two of them stood up courteously.

Fellow Zhou looked at Zhang Ye. “Hello, Professor Zhang. Let me introduce myself. My name is Zhou Shi and I’m from the Chinese Academy of Sciences.” He pointed to the person beside him. “This is Chi—”

“Chi Xue, a research fellow at the Chinese Academy of Sciences’ Academy of Mathematics and Systems Science,” Zhang Ye finished.

Chi Xue smiled. “Professor Zhang knows me?”

Zhang Ye said, “There are only so many people in our country’s mathematics field. Even though we haven’t met before, I still know a little.”

Fellow Zhou smiled and said, “Since you two know each other, this will be easier. Come, let’s sit down and talk.”

The three of them sat down.

Fellow Zhou and Chi Xue both placed a great deal of importance on this meeting. However, Zhang Ye looked quite uninterested.

Fellow Zhou spoke, “Little Chi and I came here today with an important mission. It has to do with a very important national project. We are not allowed to reveal the details to you at this moment. However, in the process of this project, we’ve encountered a very difficult problem. We were stuck trying to design an algorithm.”

Zhang Ye said, “Then get someone to solve it.”

Fellow Zhou sighed. “No one could solve it.”

Zhang Ye said, “What about Fellow Yuan?”

Fellow Zhou said, “We’ve asked; he can’t do it.”

Zhang Ye came up with another name. “Professor Hu?”

Fellow Zhou shook his head. “Professor Hu did calculations for half a month and still couldn’t come up with anything.”

Chi Xue said at this time, “Let’s put it this way, Professor Zhang. Anyone that you can think of, we’ve already approached them. All of them couldn’t do it, including me.”

Zhang Ye was groaning on the inside and did not answer them.

Fellow Zhou gave him a look and said, “There was a retired research fellow at the Chinese Academy of Sciences who took a look at it and said that there are no more than five people in the world who could solve this algorithm and that they’re all in America. But Little Chi’s father and I were both unconvinced. In the end, it was Fellow Chi, Jr., who reminded us that not all of the top five mathematicians in the world were from the States. At least one of them was in China!”

Zhang Ye hurriedly said, “Whoa, don’t you put me on such a high pedestal. I’m not worthy of such a status.”

Chi Xue said, “It’s not like that. We do have quite a lot of Chinese mathematicians too. But if we really want to find someone with the title of world-class mathematician, I’m afraid that you’re the only one at the moment. We really can’t solve this algorithm. We’ve tried countless methods, but it just doesn’t work out. Therefore, we would like to request your help. Help us, and help our country overcome this major difficulty. Would you be interested?”

Zhang Ye looked at them. “Nah, I’m not interested.”

Chi Xue and Fellow Zhou were speechless.

A clean rejection!

Without hesitation!

I’m! Not! Interested!

What else was there to say? There was absolutely nothing else left to say!

Fellow Zhou said anxiously, “This is a big deal for China and our people. Professor Zhang, can you not have such a low conscientiousness? You didn’t used to be like that.”

Zhang Ye spread his hands and said, “Yeah, I’ve never hesitated when it comes to doing my duty for the country and our people. For example, when the Korean hackers attacked our country, it was me who chased them off, right? Wasn’t that for the country and our people? But look at where that has landed this bro. So I’m no longer interested in anything. You two should go seek help from some other expert. I’m fine staying here and reforming myself for the better.”

Fellow Zhou said, “You’re just saying things out of spite. What’s so good about being in here? If you agree to come with us, I’ll immediately contact the higher-ups to communicate with the relevant departments to bring you to our research institute. Although there will definitely still be some limitations on your freedom, and we can’t allow you to return home or contact your family, you can still move about freely as you wish at the research institute. It will be unlike here where you’re restricted to staying and moving about in your cell—”

A prison guard knocked on the door. “Teacher Zhang, are you still talking?”

Zhang Ye turned around. “Ah, yes, we are.”

The prison guard smiled and said, “It’s time for breakfast. We’re still having it at the cafeteria today. Since you guys are still talking business, I’ll leave the door unlocked. You can head over by yourself.”

Zhang Ye asked, “The chow hall in which zone?”

The prison guard said, “Zone 2.”

Zhang Ye acknowledged, “Got it.”

Fellow Zhou was taken back. “Ah? Are people allowed to move around freely in here?”

The prison guard smiled and said, “Not others, but Teacher Zhang is, of course, an exception.”

Fellow Zhou’s eyes twitched. When the prison guard left, he immediately told Zhang Ye, “We don’t have restrictions on smoking at our research institute either. Of course, you can’t smoke in the rooms, but you can go out to the yard to—”

The door reopened and the prison guard came back in. “I nearly forgot. The prison warden brought you cigarettes.” Then he handed Zhang Ye a stick. “Smoke in here if you want. No one will say anything.”

Zhang Ye said, “Aiya, is that appropriate?”

The prison guard said, “It’s fine.”

Zhang Ye said, “Alright, thank Old Qian for me.”

A storm was brewing on Fellow Zhou’s face. He spoke again, “The most important thing is, our research institute does not implement hard labor or the likes for rehabilitation. You won’t have to—”

The door hadn’t closed yet.

It was opened again.

The prison guard stood outside and said inside, “Oh yes, Teacher Zhang. After breakfast, it will be labor time. We’ll do it as usual. You don’t have to worry about it and may return straight to your holding cell.”

Zhang Ye said, “Hai, but is it really alright for me to keep falling out from the squad?”

The prison guard laughed and said, “I wouldn’t dare make you break a sweat! Are you taking a shot at me?”

This time, the prison guard really departed.

Zhang Ye turned back and said, “What did you say just now? I didn’t hear it clearly.”

Chi Xue and Fellow Zhou were speechless again.

What did I say?

What else could I have fucking said!

Fellow Zhou nearly vomited blood!

How is this fucking prison life?

I don’t even get to relax as much as you do back at home!